Monday, August 19, 2013

No More Whining...well, that's it for now.

After a long drive Saturday, I feel much better.  It is amazing that something we totally detested as a kid, when the parents took us ridge running, I need to do now for my peace of mind.  It really helps me think things through and see a few places I have never been before.  This trip was no exception.

I began on Route 45 taking back roads and twisty turning byways into Virginia.  It was wonderful.  Began heading west and ran into RT 522. So I headed towards Berkeley Springs, WV. I stopped at Cacapon State Park. I have never been there before and thought I'd check out the sights.  I passed a nice little pond/lake where paddle boats were floating slowly by and swimmers were playing in the shallows.  A little farther on and there are tennis courts, a riding stable and then around the bend...the restaurant/lodge. I bypassed all of this for the road to the summit of Cacapon.  It was a rough road to the top, but way worth the views.

This was actually the smooth part of the road lol

When I first got to the top, I had the place all to myself.  That soon changed and four more car loads decided they must join me.  Had I come better prepared, I would have taken the path just passed the overlook to wander in the woods for a bit.

Back down and out to RT 522 once again.  I took a back road and came out on the other side of Berkeley Springs, west on RT 9 to Paw Paw.

 Overlook of the Cacapon River at Prospect Peak.

I have never seen the Paw Paw Tunnel on the C&O Canal and thought, why not check it out.

 A nice couple took my picture...
 It's a long tunnel and I didn't have a light.  I wimped out and only made it halfway before turning around.  The couple told me it is pretty muddy and without boots or something a bit sturdier on my feet...I shouldn't go the whole way through. 

All in all, I put about 100 or so miles on my car and had a very cathartic drive through Virginia, Maryland, and West Virginia.  I need to do this again...

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Selfish Meh...

Please, let me know if I am wrong...but I have been feeling very selfish lately...I feel like all I do is focus on me, me, me...after all, isn't it all about Me? lol

Been feeling rather Meh, with a capital M, too.  I have a good idea why...but what I don't know is how to stop it and get back onto the "I matter" road.  I have always been a person that cares more for others. I mean, who the hell am I?  My friends and family say I would give a stranger the shirt off my back and freeze instead.  I'm not that giving, am I?...but I do know I have a big heart and would do almost anything to help people out.  The big problem I have is, I don't help myself first...if I don't take care of myself, who will?  If I don't take care of myself, who will do my work, help out my friends and family and well, anyone else?

Do you ever just feel like, what's the point? Why am I even bothering?  WTF? Yeah, that's been me for a little while now.  There are times I want to end it all...not that I would, mind you...but just want to stop and say, F it! Now here comes the Mega whining section of the post...skip ahead or stop reading now if you want to stay sane...

I miss my boy! I miss him so damn much I wanna cry! Physically and mentally miss him! I was a better person with him than I am without him.  This long distance relationship thing sucks!  Neither of us are very good at talking on the phone...much better in person.  When he came to visit in March, it was nice...just like it was before I moved.  Now we are back to phones and I am at a loss for words.  I know, is that even possible?  Skype would be great if the internet was available where he worked once and then never again.  I hope in his new place it will work better.

I miss my friends...I really miss the way we were all so motivated for life and really, really enjoyed and cherished each other. I was better with them too...they kept me grounded and together.  I really liked myself around my girls.

I forgot how snarky and harsh it can be out here. I have forgotten how to be a city person and damn the torpedoes so I can go out and do whatever it is I don't feel like doing anyway. I have lost my confidence.  Not my work confidence, my city survival skills confidence.  I'm scared...maybe that's a better way to put it.  I'm scared. I don't like to be scared.

I hope this will be cathartic.  I do feel better...thanks for listening...

Thursday, August 1, 2013

One Glorious Year Later!

It has been one year since I began my new adventure at Shepherd University. One year. Twelve months. 365 days. Lucky for you, I am not breaking it down into hours, minutes, or seconds...

It's Amazing! What an adventure it has been. Had I not been blessed with this job, God only knows where I would be now. Probably in the hospital suffering from some type of PTSD or other deadly stress related disorder or maybe even in some other type of trouble that I believe would involve a lawyer or two. When I do think about it (the year from hell) it still surprises me how some people can be soooooo needy and desperate that they align themselves with the most evil of creatures. I mean, everyone can get fooled for a while but eventually (and sometimes this does take longer than a year) the person will mess up and show their true colors and this is when the fool wakes up. In this case, the fool has never woken up and that will be the fools downfall. I thought I would like to see this happen. I thought it would make me feel better...but it won't. All I can do is pray, reflect, and pity the poor fool! Thank you B.A. Barracus!

The stress doesn't just disappear overnight.  It is still with me; the frustration and sadness; mostly the sadness. Frustration because the problems are still there and no one can do anything about it and the ones that do have the power, refuse to do anything.  You can't fight oppression forever. The proletariat will rise up and fight or leave if they can. In this case, the people are jumping ship and moving on towards happier and healthier work environments.  A lot like rats jumping from a sinking ship.  Rats are very smart creatures!   But I'm sad; sad that the oppression and the deceit continues.  It was a lovely place to learn the ropes of librarianship.  Before the year of hell, it was filled with wonderful, smart, accomplished people.  I learned from everyone of those brilliant folks.  I don't know when the one felt slighted, lost confidence and became jealous or even when the bitterness and hate began and intensified. I do know when the revenge began.  I feel sorry for this person...anger, aggression, deceit and bitterness all rolled into one makes for a very black, stunted and ugly soul. 

Some people never learn... But I digress! I work with very talented people that are healthy, wealthy and wise. We compliment and are kind to each other. It is so very nice to work with such kind and emotionally intelligent people again!  The tech services crew is a diverse and brilliant group of women! I love working with them. They are never allowed to leave! EVER! It is an honor and pleasure to work with such a crew.  I am learning so very much from all of them and I hope they are learning something from me too. 

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Online Certification Class

So I am taking a class to become an online certified professor on Sakai, the online class management software we use here.  I don't mind online classes, but really hate the discussion board part of the whole thing.  There has to be a better way to have class participation.  I do like when there are scheduled chats;  that's real time and I get way more out the whole class that way.  But, I am learning about Sakai and you do what needs to be done in a class situation.  Discussion board, here I come! 

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Thanks, Jen!

Thanks Jen! Thank you big time for all the advice on backpacks and everything else. Don't have to add Jen to the list of people I'm missing, she was already on it; the list is big, people! Really big!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Trying Something new or continuing so that I may take the next step...

I want to hike...more than I have before and more than I do now.  So, I am going to begin this by walking, a lot and more than the twice a week walks we do now.  Honestly, those walks have started out strong and then as the weeks went by, have become shorter and shorter until last week there were none.  Of course, it did rain a good bit last week too.  There was a reason! We are in the start of a new week and Frances and I are getting back into the swing of things.  We are going to walk the C&O canal but walk towards Williamsport, PA instead of Harper's Ferry.  We aren't going far, try for 2 or 3 miles, but we will go and walk.

I am tired, you see, tired of being the way I am physically and tired of making excuses because of it.  The weekends are supposed to be the time to get out and enjoy the world and that was very true when I lived in OK, but here, now, I feel the old fear and hear the negative voice in my head telling me to stay in, it's safer for a woman alone.  Stay in with the cat, Bandit is 23 years old and might not be around much longer, no one wants to see a fat woman trying to walk/hike, stay in where it is nice and cool, etc..  I need to stomp the voice in my head and this is the day to begin the stomping!  It is not going to be an easy road.  I know this, hell, everyone, with extra meat on their bones and those without, knows this...but I am determined to get it right this time and every time! 

This isn't easy to admit...never is.  I'm not lazy, never have been, just not real motivated to get going since I moved here.  I call it depression. Prepare yourself to skip this paragraph if you like, for the next is a bit of  whining: I miss my friends!  I miss Debbie sending me a text to tell me we are going somewhere in the next 15 minutes, and I look like hell on a stick!  lol.  I miss Evlyn and Janet and Dawn and Denise!  I really miss my beau! Dammit, I really, really miss my beau! All of them together, from far and wide, motivated me to get my arse moving in one way or another!  I'm more confident around them; feel more like myself.  They encourage me and I hope I do the same for them.  I miss the camaraderie and our weekly trips to the Taco Shop to kvetch about work and life!  I haven't found that here, not totally, and I might never, but it's not that I don't have friends here.  I really enjoy when Lexa, Denise and I hit the road for lunch or when we need to pick something up for work (road trip) or when Laura and I hit the race track, it's fun! I do stuff here...have a great time's been a fun experience! I enjoy the people I work with and hang with.  No, it's not the same but that's okay too.  Told you it'd be whiny!

So back to the task at hand...I am looking for a decent backpack.  Well, two actually.  Why two? Well, One to turn into a Bug Out Bag and one for hiking.  I need to get used to having something on my back and maybe with a hydration system.   I also don't want to have to keep repacking the B.O.B. every time I want to use the backpack for hiking.  Yes, I do understand that I will get used to carrying the BOB and it's weight and it helps rotate the stuff in the bag, but I really don't want to repack everything.  There's where I am lazy! Then again, as I get better at hiking and carrying a load on my back, I might not want two packs and I'll give the other one to my nieces or nephews.  I see it as a win win situation for everyone involved :)

Friday, January 4, 2013

Sinuses and Viruses

The first of the year has begun with a continuation of the nasty sinus infection with bouts of vertigo and now I have caught some kind of virus. Antibiotics do nothing for a virus! I wrote the other day that I wanted just a couple more days off from work...I think I jinxed myself. This is not what I meant. I wanted a day or two to rearrange my bedroom, not sleep and pray for this headache to go away! So unfair! Now, I'm whining. Ugh!

Beyond the illness, the New Year started off pretty well. I was actually awake for the midnight festivities and speaking with my honey bunny. Didn't even realize midnight had rolled around till the neighbors went outside and started beating pots and pans screaming Happy New Year. Then there were fireworks and a few different types of pops that weren't fireworks across the railroad tracks and up the hill. I always wondered why anyone would want to shoot in the New Year. Any ideas? Is it just for the noise aspect? Eh, whatever the reasoning, it's not smart.  Where does the bullet go? It has to come down somewhere. I think about this a bit too much. Okay, moving on...

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Hustle in the New Year...

Here we are, just a few hours from the New Year, and I am reflecting on the changes of the previous year. So much has happened; some very good and some good, some bad and some very bad. I have been blessed and damned in the same year and not in that order. There have been wonderful and very missed friends/family left in Oklahoma and also some Claggerty Claggerts that are not missed at all.

Here's to the New Year and all the great possibilities for the future.  May they all be good ones!