Monday, June 24, 2013

Trying Something new or continuing so that I may take the next step...

I want to hike...more than I have before and more than I do now.  So, I am going to begin this by walking, a lot and more than the twice a week walks we do now.  Honestly, those walks have started out strong and then as the weeks went by, have become shorter and shorter until last week there were none.  Of course, it did rain a good bit last week too.  There was a reason! We are in the start of a new week and Frances and I are getting back into the swing of things.  We are going to walk the C&O canal but walk towards Williamsport, PA instead of Harper's Ferry.  We aren't going far, try for 2 or 3 miles, but we will go and walk.

I am tired, you see, tired of being the way I am physically and tired of making excuses because of it.  The weekends are supposed to be the time to get out and enjoy the world and that was very true when I lived in OK, but here, now, I feel the old fear and hear the negative voice in my head telling me to stay in, it's safer for a woman alone.  Stay in with the cat, Bandit is 23 years old and might not be around much longer, no one wants to see a fat woman trying to walk/hike, stay in where it is nice and cool, etc..  I need to stomp the voice in my head and this is the day to begin the stomping!  It is not going to be an easy road.  I know this, hell, everyone, with extra meat on their bones and those without, knows this...but I am determined to get it right this time and every time! 

This isn't easy to admit...never is.  I'm not lazy, never have been, just not real motivated to get going since I moved here.  I call it depression. Prepare yourself to skip this paragraph if you like, for the next is a bit of  whining: I miss my friends!  I miss Debbie sending me a text to tell me we are going somewhere in the next 15 minutes, and I look like hell on a stick!  lol.  I miss Evlyn and Janet and Dawn and Denise!  I really miss my beau! Dammit, I really, really miss my beau! All of them together, from far and wide, motivated me to get my arse moving in one way or another!  I'm more confident around them; feel more like myself.  They encourage me and I hope I do the same for them.  I miss the camaraderie and our weekly trips to the Taco Shop to kvetch about work and life!  I haven't found that here, not totally, and I might never, but it's not that I don't have friends here.  I really enjoy when Lexa, Denise and I hit the road for lunch or when we need to pick something up for work (road trip) or when Laura and I hit the race track, it's fun! I do stuff here...have a great time here...it's been a fun experience! I enjoy the people I work with and hang with.  No, it's not the same but that's okay too.  Told you it'd be whiny!

So back to the task at hand...I am looking for a decent backpack.  Well, two actually.  Why two? Well, One to turn into a Bug Out Bag and one for hiking.  I need to get used to having something on my back and maybe with a hydration system.   I also don't want to have to keep repacking the B.O.B. every time I want to use the backpack for hiking.  Yes, I do understand that I will get used to carrying the BOB and it's weight and it helps rotate the stuff in the bag, but I really don't want to repack everything.  There's where I am lazy! Then again, as I get better at hiking and carrying a load on my back, I might not want two packs and I'll give the other one to my nieces or nephews.  I see it as a win win situation for everyone involved :)





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