Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Selfish Meh...

Please, let me know if I am wrong...but I have been feeling very selfish lately...I feel like all I do is focus on me, me, me...after all, isn't it all about Me? lol

Been feeling rather Meh, with a capital M, too.  I have a good idea why...but what I don't know is how to stop it and get back onto the "I matter" road.  I have always been a person that cares more for others. I mean, who the hell am I?  My friends and family say I would give a stranger the shirt off my back and freeze instead.  I'm not that giving, am I?...but I do know I have a big heart and would do almost anything to help people out.  The big problem I have is, I don't help myself first...if I don't take care of myself, who will?  If I don't take care of myself, who will do my work, help out my friends and family and well, anyone else?

Do you ever just feel like, what's the point? Why am I even bothering?  WTF? Yeah, that's been me for a little while now.  There are times I want to end it all...not that I would, mind you...but just want to stop and say, F it! Now here comes the Mega whining section of the post...skip ahead or stop reading now if you want to stay sane...

I miss my boy! I miss him so damn much I wanna cry! Physically and mentally miss him! I was a better person with him than I am without him.  This long distance relationship thing sucks!  Neither of us are very good at talking on the phone...much better in person.  When he came to visit in March, it was nice...just like it was before I moved.  Now we are back to phones and I am at a loss for words.  I know, is that even possible?  Skype would be great if the internet was available where he is...it worked once and then never again.  I hope in his new place it will work better.

I miss my friends...I really miss the way we were all so motivated for life and really, really enjoyed and cherished each other. I was better with them too...they kept me grounded and together.  I really liked myself around my girls.

I forgot how snarky and harsh it can be out here. I have forgotten how to be a city person and damn the torpedoes so I can go out and do whatever it is I don't feel like doing anyway. I have lost my confidence.  Not my work confidence, my city survival skills confidence.  I'm scared...maybe that's a better way to put it.  I'm scared. I don't like to be scared.

I hope this will be cathartic.  I do feel better...thanks for listening...



2 comments:

  1. I see you rambled yesterday ;-). But seriously Rhonda. You need to do a severe 'life lemon' check.

    Yes, you miss him. :-( I wish I had some magic words to stop that, but I don't.

    As for feeling...meh...well...get busy taking the lemons of life and make a chocolate cake!! Rhonda, you are so talented! Funny! Witty! Smart! And I am truly sincere in that. Stop focusing on what you have no control over (at least for the time being), and focus on what makes you happy! The reading. The dress making...etc.

    I know your mom and family and I knew your dad Rhonda. You've got those Donaldson genes coursing through your veins and it's time to put on your big girl panties and enjoy life again...

    Remember...fake it till you feel it!!

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    1. Life Lemon check - I love it. A kick in the arse is more like it lol...Thanks, I needed that!

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