Monday, August 19, 2013

No More Whining...well, that's it for now.

After a long drive Saturday, I feel much better.  It is amazing that something we totally detested as a kid, when the parents took us ridge running, I need to do now for my peace of mind.  It really helps me think things through and see a few places I have never been before.  This trip was no exception.

I began on Route 45 taking back roads and twisty turning byways into Virginia.  It was wonderful.  Began heading west and ran into RT 522. So I headed towards Berkeley Springs, WV. I stopped at Cacapon State Park. I have never been there before and thought I'd check out the sights.  I passed a nice little pond/lake where paddle boats were floating slowly by and swimmers were playing in the shallows.  A little farther on and there are tennis courts, a riding stable and then around the bend...the restaurant/lodge. I bypassed all of this for the road to the summit of Cacapon.  It was a rough road to the top, but way worth the views.

This was actually the smooth part of the road lol

When I first got to the top, I had the place all to myself.  That soon changed and four more car loads decided they must join me.  Had I come better prepared, I would have taken the path just passed the overlook to wander in the woods for a bit.

Back down and out to RT 522 once again.  I took a back road and came out on the other side of Berkeley Springs, west on RT 9 to Paw Paw.

 Overlook of the Cacapon River at Prospect Peak.

I have never seen the Paw Paw Tunnel on the C&O Canal and thought, why not check it out.

 A nice couple took my picture...
 It's a long tunnel and I didn't have a light.  I wimped out and only made it halfway before turning around.  The couple told me it is pretty muddy and without boots or something a bit sturdier on my feet...I shouldn't go the whole way through. 

All in all, I put about 100 or so miles on my car and had a very cathartic drive through Virginia, Maryland, and West Virginia.  I need to do this again...

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Selfish Meh...

Please, let me know if I am wrong...but I have been feeling very selfish lately...I feel like all I do is focus on me, me, me...after all, isn't it all about Me? lol

Been feeling rather Meh, with a capital M, too.  I have a good idea why...but what I don't know is how to stop it and get back onto the "I matter" road.  I have always been a person that cares more for others. I mean, who the hell am I?  My friends and family say I would give a stranger the shirt off my back and freeze instead.  I'm not that giving, am I?...but I do know I have a big heart and would do almost anything to help people out.  The big problem I have is, I don't help myself first...if I don't take care of myself, who will?  If I don't take care of myself, who will do my work, help out my friends and family and well, anyone else?

Do you ever just feel like, what's the point? Why am I even bothering?  WTF? Yeah, that's been me for a little while now.  There are times I want to end it all...not that I would, mind you...but just want to stop and say, F it! Now here comes the Mega whining section of the post...skip ahead or stop reading now if you want to stay sane...

I miss my boy! I miss him so damn much I wanna cry! Physically and mentally miss him! I was a better person with him than I am without him.  This long distance relationship thing sucks!  Neither of us are very good at talking on the phone...much better in person.  When he came to visit in March, it was nice...just like it was before I moved.  Now we are back to phones and I am at a loss for words.  I know, is that even possible?  Skype would be great if the internet was available where he worked once and then never again.  I hope in his new place it will work better.

I miss my friends...I really miss the way we were all so motivated for life and really, really enjoyed and cherished each other. I was better with them too...they kept me grounded and together.  I really liked myself around my girls.

I forgot how snarky and harsh it can be out here. I have forgotten how to be a city person and damn the torpedoes so I can go out and do whatever it is I don't feel like doing anyway. I have lost my confidence.  Not my work confidence, my city survival skills confidence.  I'm scared...maybe that's a better way to put it.  I'm scared. I don't like to be scared.

I hope this will be cathartic.  I do feel better...thanks for listening...

Thursday, August 1, 2013

One Glorious Year Later!

It has been one year since I began my new adventure at Shepherd University. One year. Twelve months. 365 days. Lucky for you, I am not breaking it down into hours, minutes, or seconds...

It's Amazing! What an adventure it has been. Had I not been blessed with this job, God only knows where I would be now. Probably in the hospital suffering from some type of PTSD or other deadly stress related disorder or maybe even in some other type of trouble that I believe would involve a lawyer or two. When I do think about it (the year from hell) it still surprises me how some people can be soooooo needy and desperate that they align themselves with the most evil of creatures. I mean, everyone can get fooled for a while but eventually (and sometimes this does take longer than a year) the person will mess up and show their true colors and this is when the fool wakes up. In this case, the fool has never woken up and that will be the fools downfall. I thought I would like to see this happen. I thought it would make me feel better...but it won't. All I can do is pray, reflect, and pity the poor fool! Thank you B.A. Barracus!

The stress doesn't just disappear overnight.  It is still with me; the frustration and sadness; mostly the sadness. Frustration because the problems are still there and no one can do anything about it and the ones that do have the power, refuse to do anything.  You can't fight oppression forever. The proletariat will rise up and fight or leave if they can. In this case, the people are jumping ship and moving on towards happier and healthier work environments.  A lot like rats jumping from a sinking ship.  Rats are very smart creatures!   But I'm sad; sad that the oppression and the deceit continues.  It was a lovely place to learn the ropes of librarianship.  Before the year of hell, it was filled with wonderful, smart, accomplished people.  I learned from everyone of those brilliant folks.  I don't know when the one felt slighted, lost confidence and became jealous or even when the bitterness and hate began and intensified. I do know when the revenge began.  I feel sorry for this person...anger, aggression, deceit and bitterness all rolled into one makes for a very black, stunted and ugly soul. 

Some people never learn... But I digress! I work with very talented people that are healthy, wealthy and wise. We compliment and are kind to each other. It is so very nice to work with such kind and emotionally intelligent people again!  The tech services crew is a diverse and brilliant group of women! I love working with them. They are never allowed to leave! EVER! It is an honor and pleasure to work with such a crew.  I am learning so very much from all of them and I hope they are learning something from me too.